What a show it was tonight! Great performances, crazy outfits, and touching tributes were all part of tonight's show. Here's what I though stood out the most:
For the 1st time in 7 years, the Grammys had a host - LL Cool J!
Here's some of my favorite moments from the red carpet!
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| Julianne Hough |
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| Adele |
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| Jessie J |
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| Carrie Underwood |
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| Rihanna |
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| Katy Perry |
On with the show. Bruce Springstine and The E Street Band opened the show, which was pretty cool. The most memorable performances to me were Bruno Mars, Jason Aldean & Kelly Clarkson(even though there were some technical difficulties), Alicia Keys & Bonnie Rait's tribute to Etta James, Jennifer Hudson's tribute to Whitney Houston, Carrie Underwood & Tony Bennet, Rihanna(and Sasha Mallory was dancing with her!) & Coldplay, Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, and of course Adele. She rocked the house with "Rolling In The Deep". And she was the top winner, I believe - winning 6 Grammy's. The whole show did seem different, with the news that Whitney Houston had died just the night before. There was a definate sadness in the air.
A memorable moment in a not so good way, was Chris Brown lip-syncing his way through a rough performance, twice. And I didn't like him winning an award. Because in my opinion, he just doesn't deserve it.
Also, I think we'll all be talking about Nicki Minaj's outfit when she arrived on the red carpet, with a guy dressed like the pope, and her performance. Which included a pre-performance video that looked a mock of "The Exorcist", and dancing preists. I'm not sure if I liked it or not, I'm still muling it over.
All in all, it was a decent show. The Grammys are something I look forward to every year, being such a music junkie.
When you think of people who have taken their own life, maybe you have a certain type of person in your mind. Maybe a young troubled teen, who's been bullied or abused. Someone in their 20's who accidentally over-dosed. Basically you think of a someone who's young and shows their problems in life.
I probably thought that way, too. I didn't know of anyone who had commited suicide. I didn't think I would know anybody that would. I also had never lost anyone close to me at that point in my life. Maybe an extented family member that I didn't really know. So I hadn't felt that pain that comes with loss.
Until I was 13.
It was right after Christmas, my dad had just had open heart surgery after his 2nd heart attack. He couldn't do much, especially couldn't go outside, since it was January. He couldn't work, so my mom was the one who was bringing the income. I guess she had more stress in her life than she let on.
When I went back to school after Christmas break, I was in 7th grade, and basketball season has started. I always went to every home game. I loved being with my friends and cheering on the players(we were undefeated, by the way). My year up to that point was a great one. I had lots of friends and felt that I was well liked. My grades were good. I felt like I had a good life all in all.
So January 11th started off just like any other day. Went to school. There was a game that night, so my mom dropped me off at the school. She said she was going to take back something she had gotten for Christmas, maybe because it didn't fit or something. So I got out, said "bye" and "I love you" like I normally would.
But it wasn't normal. It wasn't a normal goodbye. And nothing from that point on would be normal in my life.
Part of me remembers that night and the next day perfectly. But other times, part of me seems to have just blocked it out. Not wanting to remember it at all.
Towards the end of the game I calle home to let them know that they could come and get me soon. But the phone call was weird, I remember thinking. My dad was saying that they couldn't find my mom. And I didn't know what that meant. So I didn't think much of it. Why would I? Nothing bad could happen to me or my family. I actually don't remember who picked me up and took me home. But when I got home, it just didn't feel right. My dad seemed worried, my grandma was on the phone also uneasy. Again I didn't think much of it. After a while, they realized that something was in fact very wrong.
One thing I remember very well was my uncle, my dad's brother, walking into our house very sternly without saying hi to me, which wasn't normal for him, and went into my parent's room where my dad was. And there were more people coming to the house. Being nice to me and acting like nothing was wrong. My cousin and aunt came and got me to spend the night at their house. All the way up there, the only thing that crossed my mind was maybe my mom was in an accident and was in the hospital. So I didn't worry about it.
The next day my cousin drove me back to my house. When I went in, everyone was still there, and there was a bunch of food in the kitchen. That right there should have told me something. In some way I feel stupid for acting all happy with everyone, when they knew what had happened. But I don't blame them. They wanted my dad to tell me, and didn't want to worry me until he did.
So, after a while, my dad took me into the backyard and we talked for a few minutes. Looking back, I can see how hard it was for him to think of how to tell me. I would never have wanted my dad to go through that. When he finally did tell me, he simply said
"Mommy passed away last night".
Those words didn't connect right away with me. I don't remember what I was thinking. I did break down probably after 30 seconds. We hugged, and went back inside where everyone was waiting. I didn't look at anyone or hug anyone I simply went into my parent's room and layed down with my dad and my sister. After a long time, it started to storm pretty bad. I though that was appropriate.
For the next few days I kind of just walked around like a zombie. I didn't really cry much, except at the funeral. I think because a few of my good friends were there for me and cried with me. I felt loved.
But something was in the back of my mind. How did she die? No one had told me for a while. I guess I understand that it would be hard for me to know the truth. But for some reason, I had feeling of what happened. I don't know why, but I just knew. And my sister confirmed my feeling.
She drove to the park in town and sat in her car in the parking lot. She had with her a bunch of pills that my dad had from his surgery. And she took them. I think it was my uncle, her brother, who found her. The thought of my mother sitting in her car in a public place, after she had taken her own life, is a feeling like I never thought I would have. It just doesn't seem real.
And the thought of suicide alone, I didn't know anything about it. I didn't know how to tell people if they asked. I didn't know if my friends knew, or how I would tell them. Because kids at that age don't think before they spread rumors or say things. I didn't want anyone thinking my mom was on drugs or had overdosed. Even though, she did. But at the end of the day, I had my friends close to me who knew better and were there for me when I needed.
I also had my dad and my family. I have been so much closer to them since that happened. I will never be able to express my love and gratitude that I felt from them during the worst time in my life. They were able to put me at ease and take my mind off the hard times while being there and supporting me.
I also gained a new perspective on depression, bi-polar disorder, and suicide. I know that anyone can deal with depression. There's not a certain group of people that it affects. And it's important not to misdiagnose depression, when the person is really dealing with bi-polar disorder. Because sometimes anti-depressants can make it worse for that person. And we need to make sure that if someone has suicidal thoughts, they need to seek help. Either from a family member or friend, or a professional. No one should deal with losing someone in that way. It leaves you very hurt and with questions about what you could have done. And now more than ever with young people who are taking their own lives due to bullying.
It needs to be an important issue to everyone. It definately is to me.
Being a music junkie, I am always on the look-out for new music from my favorite artists, and new artists. There were many great releases this past year, and here is a list of what stood out to me.
- Lady Gaga - "Born This Way"
- Kelly Clarkson - "Stronger"
- Adam Lambert - "Glam Nation Live CD/DVD"
- Christina Perri - "Lovestrong"
- James Durbin - "Memories Of A Beautiful Disaster"
- Miranda Lambert - "Four The Record"
- Demi Lovato - "Unbroken"
- Adele - "21"
- Lauren Alaina - "Wildflower"
- The JaneDear Girls - "The JaneDear Girls"
- Black Veil Brides - "Set The World On Fire"
- David Cook - "This Loud Morning"
- Kimberly Caldwell - "Without Regret"
- Jessie J - "Who You Are"
*This song really speaks to me right now*
I heard that you're settled down That you found a girl and you're married now I heard that your dreams came true Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you
Old friend, why are you so shy? Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light
I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded That for me, it isn't over
Never mind, I'll find someone like you I wish nothing but the best for you, too Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead
You know how the time flies Only yesterday was the time of our lives We were born and raised in a summer haze Bound by the surprise of our glory days
I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded That for me, it isn't over yet
Never mind, I'll find someone like you I wish nothing but the best for you, too Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead, yeah
Nothing compares, no worries or cares Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?
Never mind, I'll find someone like you I wish nothing but the best for you Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead
Never mind, I'll find someone like you I wish nothing but the best for you, too Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead
I'm on Facebook, I Twitter, I use Tumblr, been on Myspace since it started, I 'favorite' and 'like' videos on YouTube, there's also LiveJournal and DreamWidth....
But I've never really "blogged". I guess I never thought I could think of something real interesting to say everyday. But lately, I've had a lot of things on my mind, and a lot of things that have happened. Blogging makes more sense now than ever.
A new outlook on life, family, and love is the subject and outline for me blog. Of course, I'll talk about fun stuff, too - my favorite music, movies, and TV shows.
So, let the adventure begin =)
